We all want our loved ones to live long, healthy lives. So what do you do to help a spouse who isn’t exercising?

Stop telling the truth! Don’t tell your spouse that people who don’t exercise have twice the risk of heart disease as moderately active ones – or that not being active ranks right up there with smoking as a health risk. Don’t tell your spouse that experts attribute 250,000 deaths each year to lack of regular physical exercise. Negatives and threats just do not motivate!

Humans work on the pleasure principle. Things that feel good attract; things that don’t, like criticism and scary statistics, repel. You can’t make another person change. They have to come to see the value of it themselves.

The good news is that many couch potatoes want to get moving. In a survey of 1,000 exercise slackers by the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports and the Sporting Goods Manufacturers’ Association, 59 percent said they would like to exercise more, and 44 percent named a spouse or significant other as the strongest of all motivating forces, including a doctor’s advice. Better yet, the people surveyed said the most effective encouragement was having a spouse to work out with.

People who exercise in pairs – whether it’s husbands and wives, friends, or even mothers and daughters – stick with their routines longer than those who exercise alone. The trick is to be more of a friend than a drill sergeant. There are some definite dos and don’ts to keep in mind:

Try a little tenderness

Instead of nagging your partner to get moving, say, “I love you. Let’s take a walk and talk.” And instead of harping on how good exercise will make your spouse feel, talk about how good it makes you feel.

Start small – and make it fun

You want your spouse to develop a habit, not prepare for the Olympics. Besides, too much too soon can lead to soreness and injury. Remember that 30 minutes of moving around everyday – walking, working in your garden, taking the stairs instead of the elevator – is all it takes to meet the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s guidelines for physical activity.

Don’t show off

If your spouse would like to work out with you, do the walking or biking at his or her pace, not yours. The one who’s getting started can be intimidated if the other one’s a real exerciser. You might want to look for a new, shared activity that puts the two of you on equal ground. Take up dancing or roller-skating – anything both of you can approach as novices.

Invest your time

If you’re serious about helping out, be prepared to devote more than your own workout time to a plan. Don’t scoff at the first sign of backsliding. Understand that relapses are common. The worst thing you can do is making your spouse feel guilty about slipping up. When a person feels guilty, he or she will resume old habits to cope.

Your spouse may take months to establish a routine, and you need to hang in there until that happens. The benefits, like your marriage, will last a lifetime.

Visit the Baptist East/Milestone Wellness Center site for more tips on starting a fitness program, or call for membership information at (502) 896-3900, ext. 302.