Throughout our lives, relationships are necessary and significant. Starting at birth, there is bonding between mother and infant. According to developmental psychologists, the bonding experience is one which continues throughout life, revealing itself in different stages and developmental periods. Attachment is a strong human need, occurring between birth and 18 months of age. At this time, the sense of object permanence is established, signaling the infant's understanding that what goes away can also return. This concept is usually associated with the primary caretakers or parents of the infant, strengthening the parental bond.

During the first 10 years of life, we continue to use our attachment skills as we move through the developmental phases of exploration, identity, power, competence and empathy. If our attachment needs are adequately met, we will continue to develop a strong sense of who we are and how our personal boundaries function in love relationships. If attachment needs are flexible, expectations are more balanced. If attachment needs are excessive, rigid or diffuse, there is likely to be an imbalance in what is expected in a love relationship.

As biological creatures, relationships offer us the opportunity for procreation and survival of the species. As emotional creatures, love offers the opportunity for growth and satisfaction. In love we find intimacy, emotional safety and passionate friendship. In high functioning relationships, there is a transformational process which involves being "other" oriented, without giving up a sense of self. The Greeks call this agape and believed it to be the highest form of love.

Love relationships involve emotional risk-taking. Depending on how primary attachment needs have been met, these risks may be approached with caution or with a sense of adventure. However the relationship is approached, there is usually a sense of excitement with the love partner. This can range from a feeling of comfort and well-being to feelings of extreme euphoria. This phenomenon has been attributed to endorphins, nature's mood chemicals which circulate in the central nervous system. These feelings are sometimes difficult to describe and are often referred to as "mysterious."

Because love relationships are dependent on primary attachment needs, they are sometimes associated with very powerful feelings. The love partner can quickly become the focus of attachment and all of its complex and important functions, including survival. The relationship can be perceived as a life or death issue, stimulating strong survival instincts and creating the potential for volatility.

Most relationship problems and situations can be resolved with outside, professional assistance. An impartial third party can assist couples in working through situations that seem insurmountable. Often, problems can be solved or prevented by learning some new skills such as effective communications, setting goals for the relationship and re-romanticizing.

For more information about outpatient counseling, call the Center for Behavioral Health® at Baptist Hospital East at (502) 896-7105 or toll-free
1-800-478-1105. Help is available 24 hours a day. 

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