Parenting is not for WIMPS! It takes no special training, particular level of education, or official certification to get into the "field," but it does require patience, persistence and prayer, however, on the part of both the persons being parented and those doing the parenting.

Parenting isn't as easy as it looks through the eyes of a child either. It's stressful, under-appreciated and, in the long run, usually worth every minute. The stress is inevitable. That's a normal part of living and parenting is living ... on the edge.

Remember when you were growing up? How you promised yourself that someday when you were the mommy or daddy, you'd certainly let your kids do whatever they "really" wanted to do, and you knew for certain then, too, that you'd never treat a kid of yours the way your parents treated you (at times)?

If all the conversations between you and your child were on tape, when played back, what percentage would sound as though the actual goal was to produce a mentally healthy, productive and future adult member of society? And how much would sound as though the only reason for the conversation was that you are responsible for every move, thought and outcome your child has, at that moment and the consequences of such forever more?

Certain aspects of raising children will never change, but some are very different today than "way back then." Today the art of parenting is complicated with hazards not even known about in generations back, much less experienced as early as some children are exposed to them today -- depression, divorce, drugs, suicide, etc. Parents need as much help and support as possible to tackle the job of responsible parenting. It's far too important and scary for any one individual to face alone.

Some tips to help build strong, positive relationships and encourage better understanding between parents and children are:

1. Treat your child with the courtesy you would show a friend or co-worker.
2. Accept your child's strengths and weaknesses.
3. Recognize that this is your child's life, not your "second" chance.
4. Focus on their successes, not their shortcomings.
5. Give your child honest feedback in terms of things that he or she can change. (Focus on what might be done next time, not what has already or just happened.)
6. Recognize and acknowledge the pressures in his or her life.
7. Criticize behavior, not the child. "I do not like what you did" vs. "You are stupid; you never listen."
8. Recognize and acknowledge your child's emotions. They may not seem terribly heavy to you, but bear in mind that they are being experienced by your child, not you.
9. Set boundaries, but realize that it is a child's "job" to test boundaries (more and more so as they get older).
10. Gradually extend those boundaries as "signs of maturity" (not age and physical development) indicate they are ready.
11. If a boundary has been extended too far, do not be afraid to retreat (i.e., if the child cannot get home on time, the rules may revert to earlier times.)
12. Try to listen calmly.
13. Recognize that good judgment is learned through personal experiences, not through lectures.
14. Recognize your child as a separate person with his or her own ideas.Your child is not simply a reflection of you.
15. Communicate -- with lots more listening than talking on your part.
16. Remember that your child's self-esteem is not complete yet -- choose your words with care.
17. Treat them as worthwhile and valuable persons. Love them, regardless.
18. Be affectionate on their level of comfort.
19. Be truthful.
20. Be consistent.
21. Be a good role model.
22. Share something.

Parents, be united in your child's "best interests" even if, and especially if, you are divorced.

(Portions borrowed from Has Anybody Seen Phil? by Michael Paseornek, J.C. Penny Co., Inc., Production.)

Baptist Hospital East offers family counseling at the hospital as well as at Baptist Hospital Northeast in La Grange. For more information, call the Center for Behavioral Health® at (502) 896-7105 or toll-free 1-800-478-1105. Help is available 24 hours a day.

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